Forgiving Your Past

All of us are shaped by our past. Where we come from, who we come from, and the way we were raised all shape who we are today in profound ways. Most of us have a basic awareness of our family of origin, but few of us have done the hard work of learning about our past to better understand who we are today. As a result, all of us unknowingly transmit the same narratives, patterns, pains, and expectations as our family before us. To make peace with our past is to return to an ancient tradition from the scriptures. Throughout the Bible, especially in the Old Testament, God tells His people to remember where they’ve come from, what God has saved them from, and the promises He has made (Deut. 6:12, Isa. 46:9, Ps. 143:5). Making peace with our past means we must forgive our past. We must take intentional time to see where we come from. We learn about our family of origin to better understand where our behaviors and patterns come from, both good and bad. But most importantly, we look back in order to recognize God’s providence and care for us in our lives. By recognizing both positives and negatives in our past, we’re able to see how God has used our family of origin to shape who we are.

You can take interactive notes here. At the end of the message, you can email the notes to yourself.

 It is no secret we are lonely. In 2009, the percent of teens who reported, uh, persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness were at 26%, which were pretty bad stats if you ask me.

But in 2021, just 12 years later, that number is up to 44%. 51 percent of mothers feel lonely all the time. Amen, right? Let’s, let’s be there for our moms next Sunday. Uh, in 2013, uh, Americans spent an average, check this out, of six and a half hours per week with friends. Which is, I guess, pretty solid.

Remember 2013? Those were kind of nice days, now that we look, you know, to see what’s ahead of us these days. But now it’s actually dropped to two hours and 45 minutes a week, just one decade later. Just this week, I was talking to a neighbor friend of mine who was really going through a hard time of life, and so I was doing the best I could to encourage him and share the gospel, but not in a weird way, anybody else with me, you know?

And so, I was talking to them, hearing about their heartbreak, and I felt like the Lord was saying, hey, ask them about their community. So I said, hey, what community do you have to help back you? You know, you can’t fight this thing that he’s going through alone. Who do you have in your corner? And he said, honestly, we don’t have anybody.

It’s just our family. We kind of don’t know anybody. Our family is dysfunctional, so I can’t go to my parents. So I told them, hey man, we are here for you. We have a community that can be a place. For you. And that was hard for him to hear. He just thought people have community. David Brooks, in a wonderful book I’ve been starting to read, How to Know a Person, he argues it’s modernity.

It’s our modern society that’s pushing us into this dark pit of despair. He says the following. He says, we live in an environment in which political animosities Technological dehumanization and social breakdown undermine connection, strain friendships, erase intimacy, and foster distrust. We’re living in the middle of some sort of vast emotional, relational, and spiritual crisis.

It is as if people across society have lost the ability to see and understand one another, thus producing a culture that can be brutalizing and isolating. Do you feel this crisis? I know I certainly do. But what makes me even more sad is most of us have the desire to make friendships. but have never acquired the tool belt necessary to maintain friendships.

Again, sorry for more data, but it says that most people only have friends for three to five years and then they just recycle. They go to somewhere else and this is hard because honestly you can do all the right things, but it takes two to tango. Right, so you can be the great friend, but those friends could still leave you.

And so I find, I’m tracing my life this week thinking, a lot of my friendships also have an expiration date more than I’d like to admit. And people are trying to figure out, what is happening? How are we just so bad at friendships? Some people are pointing, everything points back to the 1960s, because this is where our society changed a lot.

And one point that I think is pretty valid, Starting in the 1960s, our education system changed. The goal of education was different. Apparently, before 1960, you went to school primarily to become a good person of morality and character. So character was the emphasis. But now, starting in the 60s, it quickly became money and career became the emphasis.

Well, when the focus is not morality and character, but money and career, of course, you become a different type of person. And more and more data is showing that. We also assume, and I fall for this too, friendship shouldn’t take any work. Anybody else just get appalled when you wake up and realize one day, we only talk if I reach out to them.

They never reach out to me. Anybody feel that? And it gets bothersome and like, you’re like, well, forget it. We’re just not going to talk. You wait a week and go, never mind, I’m going to do it, but I’m still mad at you for making me start this. This is kind of where we’re at. And for most of us, the moment our friendships fall out of peace, we all peace out.

Cue us having a whole series for this whole year. The vision is how to make friends and love other people. Because I think we have really lost the plot line. Because look, we were not designed to live in isolation. I understand most of our hurt is from friendships. But our healing also has to come from friendships as well.

And so we believe the way of Jesus is so compelling for so many reasons. And he’s so compelling also because he helps us live out our purpose of loving God. Hear me loving others, that deep love that lasts for a lifetime. Write this down. Jesus was a master at making friends and loving other people because he was committed to the practice of peacemaking, and that’s the practice we’re going to be engaging with starting today.

Now, the Gospels, just read the Gospels. It’s actually most believed that the disciples were mainly teenagers outside of Peter. And so just think of Jesus being a youth pastor. Like youth are amazing, but they’re also, you know, Anyways, so, you know, he had to learn how to practice peacemaking. He had to learn how to stop some gossip.

A lot of his disciples were vying for the top spot. Just read the Gospels, which are Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Jesus is always, like, quelling a dispute, dealing with conflict. It’s great. But he was amazing at bringing peace to a situation, even with his critics, like the Pharisees and Sadducees. He was constantly staying calm, staying cool, and staying connected.

Look with me quickly, Luke chapter 23, verse 34. This is an amazing moment. In the life of Jesus that I just find so hard to emulate myself, but I believe in the gospel. It actually probably is possible. Luke 23 verse 34, this says, then Jesus said, he’s on the cross, father, forgive them because they do not know what they are doing.

Now, if you are a writer or a grammar snob, it’s not always great to use third person constantly without identifying who the people are. Because look at the, look at the phrase, Father forgives them because they do not know what they are doing. Who are the they? Keep reading. And they divided his clothes and cast lots.

It was the very people crucifying him and looking to make money off of him while he was dying. See, Jesus was a peacemaker. He made peace even while he was on the cross. And of course, he made ultimate peace between us and God by dying and raising again. And I want to ask this question all four weeks. Is this attainable for you and me?

Can we have this kind of forgiveness? We think it’s possible. Stephen, Pastor Caleb, did a wonderful job last week in Acts chapter 7, verse 60. Stephen does the very same thing. Forgive them, God. while he was being stoned to death. And so we believe, we’re crazy enough to assume, if Jesus did it and we’re called to be his disciples, if he’s our master and we are his students, his apprentices, then we also too are called to be forgiving, loving, peacemaking people.

Cue the wonderful line from Jesus in Matthew 5, 9 and beginning the Sermon on the Mount, blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God. And so let’s start this journey together. First on the docket is how do we define peacemaking? This is our working definition here on the screen, which gives us permission to change it.

That’s the key. You just say working definition and then you can never corner me. So I’m living my life. Okay. But our working definition for peacemaking as of today is the following. The practice of peacemaking is doing the hard work of forgiving our past, forging new patterns and framing our pain in order to fulfill our purpose of loving God and others.

It’s just that simple. All right, it’s gonna take a lot of work, but through the Holy Spirit, we can do it. I want us to notice a few things about this. Just like many other previous practices, we believe this is a journey. It’s like a roadmap, and so like week one’s important. So for all of you, bravo, you’re here.

We really think forgiveness is like foundational, so we’re gonna look at that today. But also, we really think you can’t skip the week after that or the week after that, okay? So keep coming, especially this month. Also, notice the disclaimer. It’s doing the hard work. So don’t get mad at us. You’re like, this is hard.

No, we told you! We warned you! This is hard. But it’s holy, and it’s so worth doing everything good. Is on the other side of heart and get this we actually believe we are a community of practitioners And so we’re hoping you do not do this on your own you lean on each other As we begin to do this practice.

So first, forgiving our past. With that, turn with me to Genesis chapter 12. Genesis is going to be a book we’re going to be, uh, in all this entire series. There’s so much here in the book of Genesis for us to learn about all sorts of things relationally and making peace. Today, I want us to zero in on Genesis chapter 12 and Later, 26, because I want it to show us the theology or the reality of generational sin.

Okay, are you there? You’re like, it’s on the screen. I, everything’s fine. Genesis chapter 12, verse 10. There was a famine in the land. So Abram, who’s Abram? He’s later renamed Abraham, that’s how I get you to talk. I need to give easier questions. Got it. So, Abram went down to Egypt to stay there for a while because the famine in the land was severe.

When he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife, Sarai, what is she later renamed? Sarah. Y’all are amazing. All right, I’m gonna hold the 11 against it. Like, I’m gonna see which one’s better today. Look, I know what a beautiful woman you are. So he’s buttering her up. This is just good classic husband, uh, duties here.

But look what he says next. When the Egyptians see you, they will say this is his wife. They will kill me, but let you live. So please say you’re my sister, so it will go well for me because of you. And my life will be spared on your account. Now, is Abraham being just like a wonderful man of God with just amazing courage and character?

No! We miss the Bible when we don’t understand there’s only one hero in the Bible. And what’s his name? Jesus. All these other people, they fail constantly. And he is failing his wife. Verse 14, When Abram entered Egypt, the Egyptians saw that the woman was very beautiful. The Pharaoh’s official saw her and praised her to Pharaoh.

So the woman was taken to Pharaoh’s household. It’s terrible how women were treated back then. We are absolutely against that and so is Jesus. Verse 16, He treated Abram well because of her and Abram acquired flocks and herds, male and female donkeys, male and female slaves and camels. So he gets like a pretty sweet deal out of this, but the Lord Struck Pharaoh and his household with severe plagues because of Abram’s wife Sarai.

So Pharaoh sent for Abram and said, What have you done to me? Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife? Why did you say she’s my sister so that I took her as my wife? Now, here is your wife. Take her and go. Then Pharaoh gave his men orders about him, and they sent him away with his wife and all he had.

Again, is he just a great man of character? No, at least not yet, and thank the Lord he uses people like Abram, and he uses people like you and me. Amen? Even though we have all sorts of sin and flaws. Now jump with me to Genesis chapter 26. Again, the, what I’m trying to point out here is generational sin.

Chapter 26 verse 1, there was another famine in the land. In addition to the one that had occurred in Abraham’s time and Isaac went to Abimelech, king of the Philistines at Gerar. So this sounds just like Genesis 12, right? There’s a famine and now he has to go to another king to get some sustenance.

Verse 7, when the men of the place asked about his wife, he said, She is my sister. Who is Isaac, by the way? Abraham’s son, okay, she’s my sister, for he was afraid to save my wife, thinking the men of the place will kill me on account of Rebekah, for she is a beautiful woman. Have we not already read this story before?

Yes, we have, okay. Verse 8, when Isaac had been there for some time, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked down from the window. Oh, man, this is why we made sure this wasn’t Family Sunday. Uh, we had to pivot. Uh, because Where am I? Okay. Look down from the window. I was surprised to see Isaac caressing his wife, Rebecca.

Wait a minute. I thought that was your sister. Verse nine, Abimelech sent for Isaac and said, so she really is your wife. How could you say she is my sister? Isaac answered him because I thought I might die on account of her. Then Abimelech said, what have you done to us? One of the people could easily have slept with your wife and you would have brought guilt on us.

So, Ben Malek warned all the people, whoever harms this man or his wife will certainly be put to death. Also interesting here to see the fear of God even in these pagan rulers. But doesn’t this seem like the same exact story? This is what generational sin does. You repeat the sins of your father without even really knowing it.

I want to show, point out, there’s really three major sins that repeat, not just from Abraham to Isaac, but Isaac to Jacob, and Jacob to the, the patriarchs, the sons of Israel. It’ll be on the screen. One is a pattern of lying in each generation. So Abraham lied twice about Sarah, so he actually doesn’t learn his lesson and tries to do it again.

Isaac lied about Rebekah, we just read that, plus their marriage was characterized by lies. What does Rebekah do? He lies. to Isaac Howe by saying, hey, let’s deceive my husband by telling, hey, this is Esau and said it was Jacob, right? Still a lot of lying. Jacob lies to almost everybody, almost his whole life.

We’re going to look at this next week. Jacob literally means deceiver. He tried to spend his entire life deceiving other people. Well, you’ll notice this. What begins to lie in one generation as it goes to the next, it begins to multiply and get even worse. This is kind of what humanity does. Then you have ten of Jacob’s children.

They lie about Joseph. They say that Joseph died, but what really happened to him? He was sold into slavery by his brothers. And they kept this a family secret for more than a decade. They’re liars. Welcome to church. Now, if we had more time, we would read more stories in Genesis, but let me show you a little more examples, a few more examples.

There’s also a lot of favoritism by at least one parent in each generation. It’s very clear. Abraham favored Ishmael. Isaac favored Esau. Jacob favored Joseph which what kind of got Joseph in trouble in the first place and then favored Benjamin as I read the story I’m like Jacob. You’re such a bad dad.

Like you’re so clearly man. You guys are fine, but I love Joseph and Benjamin Please don’t do that. Okay, although my mom always said I was her favorite son. I was her only son now Um, you can do that if you have that. I have three daughters, so I can’t pull that trick. I just say, you’re my favorite faith, you’re my favorite Selah, and it works.

Favorite Trinity. Don’t worry, I say it for all of them. Now, the last one is the brothers. They, uh, the brothers experiencing a cutoff from one another in each generation. So Isaac and Ishmael, They’re Abraham’s sons. They’re cut off from one another. Jacob flees from Esau, his brother. They’re cut off for several years.

Joseph was cut off from his ten brothers for more than a decade. Do you see what starts with Abraham continues through Isaac and multiplies through Jacob? This is a theology of generational sin, and that’s just the book of Genesis. It’s everywhere. And Genesis asserts an obvious truth. You are a product of your past.

Husband trick. If you really want to make your spouse happy, you just tell them, you know that you really remind me of your mom right now. It goes really well. But the reality is, is everything in your past has built who you are in the present. And that’s really good. And it’s really bad. For me, there’s a lot of good from it.

Like I have a family line of Jesus people. So like following Jesus, I just kind of just kind of, I know that there was a moment, but it was like, it was kind of clear. I was always going to kind of do that. It was the house that I was in reading your Bible every morning. Just, it was easy for me. Cause like we all did that as children growing up, giving to the church.

Like I do that, but I’ve never like struggled. Like, do I give 10%? No, it was just how my family raised me. And I’ve never batted an eye at that, but there also can be really bad. Trauma is real. Trauma from childhood influences how we relate to people, how we feel about ourselves. Even things like economic status, it’s really hard to get out from under a lot of economic oppression.

This is why we think it’s such a big deal when we tell somebody like, hey, they’re self made. Because typically, whatever your parents are, that’s kind of your ceiling economically. But then not only that, a lot of us just carry self sabotage and coping mechanisms. Even from family you’ve never met before.

We have people in here who’ve been adopted. And it’s amazing, they maybe sometimes later find out about their mom and dad, and they have traits within them. They never knew their mom and dad, and yet they still embody those things. It’s just who you are. Some of us have addictions from grandparents we never met before.

Cue the famous line, Jesus may be in your heart, but grandpa is still in your bones. So, we have to deal with this. What’s the warning in Genesis? If generational sin doesn’t stop with you, it will spread through you.

Are you happy yet? Now, God makes this warning even more explicit in Exodus. So, turn with me to Exodus chapter 34, 34 verse 6 through 7. This is what many commentators say is the most quoted verse in all of the Bible, especially the Hebrew Bible. This is God describing his character to Moses and thus to the rest of mankind.

Verse 6, The Lord passed in front of him and proclaimed. The Lord. The Lord is a compassionate and gracious God. Slow to anger and abounding in faithful love and truth. Yes and Amen. Verse 7 Maintaining. Remember, we said we can’t maintain nothing. Him, maintaining faithful love to a thousand generations, forgiving iniquity, rebellion, and sin.

And by the way, how come God can do that? Because of Christ and what he did on the cross. Amen. But he will not leave the guilty unpunished, bringing the consequences of the father’s iniquity on the children and grandchildren to the third and fourth generation. For us, like coffee cup Christianity, that’s the part we just kind of leave out, right?

Maintaining love, and then we cut it off. Because the rest is kind of in your face. It’s kind of like, I thought we were vibing here. Everything sounded really fun and lovey dovey. And now you’re talking about punishment and consequences of sin. Theologians mention the first half, which is the majority, is the mercy of God on full display.

But the back half is the justice of God on full display. This feels more like, this feels like we aren’t just a product of our past, but we’re punished by it. So, let me clear that up. A key idea in the gospel is that because we’re all born from Adam, we are born in sin, and we do, we are prone to destruction.

And Romans 3. 10, there is no one righteous, no, not even one. But here’s the other argument, if you were the first human on earth, you would have been the one to mess it up too. Right? We all have our own accountability for the sin and destruction. We can’t just blame it all on Eve, uh, even though I’m tempted to.

Okay? That’s kind of a joke. Alright. I’m trying to get in trouble with my wife today, if you’ve noticed. I made quite a f Anyways. Okay, so. And then I can practice peace after. See what I’m doing? Anyways. Okay, so. Notice a couple things in this passage. Maintaining love to a thousand generations, but then the consequences are just to the third and fourth.

It’s supposed to be this major contrast. Look how good God’s love is. But there’s still consequence of our actions. There is a lot here and for the sake of time, let me run through this. This passage is about generational accountability. The Bible Project has a wonderful definition, it says the following, God does not punish a new generation for the sins of a former generation, but God does hold children who don’t learn from their parents mistakes accountable.

For Israel, and for us too, remembering the sins of our parents is the key to doing things differently. In other words, peacemakers must first become chain breakers. So now the question is, what are the chains from your past that you need to break free from through the power of the gospel? Well, how we do that, we believe in the practice of the genogram.

The genogram sounds weird. I know many of us, anything with a gram at the end, we’re skeptical. Instagram, genogram, enneagram, don’t worry. But genogram is actually a really helpful process. It’s on your, uh, peacemaking guide. Make sure you grab one of these on your way out. It’s over on the table. I think it’s on page 12, I believe.

Yes. You will see a template on how to create your own genogram. Now it’s a chart of your family tree and you have to notice you put their name, but then you notice traits. So like, first of all, personality traits, was this person self absorbed? Was it passive? Don’t tell your parents you’re doing this, but be honest.

You know what I’m saying? Don’t be like, Hey dad, look how absorbed you are. Don’t do that. At least not yet. Okay. Major events. So you’ll talk about, like, through your family tree, has there been affairs? Has there been abandonment or divorce? Relational traits, like, man, my mom or whatever was very codependent.

Or this, my dad was very absent. Please don’t think I’m talking about my parents. Some of you know my parents. I’m just giving examples here. They are dysfunctional, but I’m not telling you how they are dysfunctional, okay? And then, also narratives. Some lies that we believe. Like, man, this family, we never make mistakes.

This family, life’s all about making money. identify those things. This requires time, reflection, and awkward conversations. If you are blessed to still have a grandma around, ask them about their family tree and get some information. Because when we do this properly, the genogram should generate two outcomes.

Number one, your genogram should generate caution. Here’s what I’ve learned in life and in pastoral ministry. Many of us are not as self aware as we think we are. And so here’s what we, I want you to do. Be safe to assume. Whatever your parents or their parents have done, the ugly things, you are absolutely prone to do the same.

In fact, you are bent to do those exact same things. So this should create caution. This should create boundaries in your life and asking for grace for that area in your life. For example, if you have an infidelity up your family tree, there’s a lot you need to do. You need to share bank accounts with your wife, passwords on everything.

Some people go as far as to do the Billy Graham rule, which means you’re never alone with the opposite sex. If you are, it’s like you’re in the public eye. It’s never like you just driving with somebody else. You have to go above and beyond because. He who ought not slip, ought not walk in slippery places.

And so create boundaries. Also, if your parents were absent, you need to say no to job promotions. You need to go above and beyond and turn your phone off on the weekends because you’re prone to not be there for your kids. Also self absorbed. One way to defeat that is to serve in our church. Maybe be a person who honors other people out loud.

There’s all sorts of things. So it should generate caution and reflection. These are the sins that I too am prone to do. Number two, your genogram should generate compassion. You know, life just hits you different when you realize that your parents were also babies at one time. You ever thought about that?

It’s a weird feeling, but it’s true. We talk a lot about how our parents damaged us, but then you do some research. Whoa, their parents damaged them? And so you have a whole lot more compassion. For me, when we started doing premarital counseling 11 years ago and getting it married, the conversation was constantly like, well, my family’s perfect, so let’s talk about your family baggage and let’s make sure we not do that again.

And the longer I’ve lived, the more we’re like, Oh, I have baggage too. It’s just like, looks prettier from the outside because I’m a fourth generation pastor. So we know how to hide things, right? This is just the reality of life. So I’ve kind of gone through that, like, Oh, I can be performative. Being a son of a pastor of a pastor of a pastor.

Like, it’s hard to admit failure. Because in ministry, sometimes that means people leave. For me, too. We exaggerate just a tad. Uh, our family just loves, because storytellers are exaggerators, okay? But so for me, I’ve had to tell my wife, like, hold me accountable. I can’t. exaggerate too much, you know. I can exaggerate a little.

Give me some grace. Uh, it makes the story better. Um, but I say all that to say, remember, we’re all dysfunctional. We’re all sinners. And honestly, for many of us, for me, especially, I look at my family tree and there’s stuff I wish my parents stopped, but there’s so much that they did stop and didn’t spread to me.

It’s like, wow. So give each other grace and compassion. But what’s important for this genogram practice is to always remember, it really does start with recognizing our own sinfulness and how much we have been perpetuating it as well. Plassen Cofield, he’s in our recommended read called The Relational Soul, put it best, quote, to blame our reactivity on the devil or on our parents or on anyone or anything else is to doom ourselves to relational failure with God and others.

Yes, we are victims, but brothers and sisters, we are also perpetrators and we are in desperate need of the grace of God. Starts with us. So we want you to be set free. You’ll notice this piece kind of starts within as it then goes to the out. And to be set free, number one, we must learn our past. This gives us a sense of caution and compassion.

But now also we must forgive our past because we are gospel people. Forgiveness is one of the hallmarks of Christianity. With that, 18. Are you still with me today? Amen. Thank you, Dino. All right. All right, Matthew 18, starting in verse 21. If we had more time, and I really encourage you, write this down to read the rest, because he gives a wonderful parable to answer this question.

But, um, look at Matthew 18, many of us know this as the church discipline passage, that’s what it precedes right before is about how to restore a brother and confront them, which we’ll be talking about in this peacemaking series. But now look at verse 21. Then Peter approached Jesus and asked, Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?

We miss this. This is familial. This kind of starts with family. It doesn’t end with family. We’re brothers and sisters in Christ. But don’t forget, what’s hardest for many of us to forgive is family. How, how many times? As many as seven times? During the literature at this time, they were saying the rabbis of the, the Talmud would say, that’s enough.

Seven, that’s a lot. And so Peter’s like, seven? Do we do the full seven? And how does Jesus reply? I tell you, not As many as seven, Jesus replied, but seventy times seven. In other words, it never ends. Always and forever, we need to be forgiving people. Notice the persistence. So I want us to establish our past and forgive our past.

And hear me, that forgiveness requires a constant forgiveness over and over and over. And this is key to setting you free. Now let’s look at Matthew chapter six. Jesus, this is him and his sermon on the mount. In Matthew 6, again, I would encourage you to read the full context of this as well. But verse 14, he’s giving them the Lord’s prayer and he ends with a really stark warning because part of the prayer was forgive us our debts as we’ve forgiven our debtors.

And then he says in verse 14, for if you forgive others, their offenses, your heavenly father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your father will not forgive your offenses. So I want us to notice the seriousness of forgiveness. A lot of people say, okay, is this how we earn our salvation then?

We can’t have salvation until we have forgiven others. And we would say, no, this is the sign of salvation. If you cannot forgive other people, you have no idea how much God has forgiven you. So take some time to recognize your own depravity, brothers and sisters, and you will all of a sudden have more than enough grace and compassion for everybody around you.

And he makes that case. Read the rest of that story of just, um, in Matthew 18 of look, this person was owed a lot of debt. And yet he was owing, other people owed him little debt and he was so mean. And Jesus is saying, this person has no idea how much has been forgiven. If you recognize how much you’ve been forgiven, forgiving others becomes a whole lot easier.

Now what is Genesis, Exodus, and Matthew telling us? This is a stark warning. If you don’t forgive your past, you will relive it and re give it.

I promise you, you don’t want to. But you will. You will emotionally abandon your children the same way you were. You will blow up in anger at the people you love the most. You will make promises and never deliver on them. And you hate that because your parents always did that to you. You can never be able to take emotional pain because you will lash out because that’s what you’ve always seen.

Anybody else feel stuck in this room in certain areas of your life? And I see the discouragement because you’re thinking, but I keep reading my Bible, but I keep hitting this wall. I go to church every single week and I keep hitting this wall. I’m even giving. I let Pastor Caleb’s pitch convince me and I’m starting to give to this church and I’m still hitting a wall.

This series is about that wall. And we believe there can be freedom for you. Boundaries for your soul. Another recommended read at formedbyjesus. com slash peacemaking. He, they put it in words to our ache. The quote says, Can you identify in some way with this inner turmoil? You work hard, try to set boundaries with others, and then wonder why you still struggle with, struggle with anger, fear, and guilt.

You may even hurt the people you love the most as a result of these unwanted feelings, petty jealousies you can’t rein in, fear based workaholism, or an out of control temper that you know isn’t you. Don’t raise your hand, but I just know we’re not alone in this. But I have come to bring you good news.

Jesus has more than enough grace not just to forgive you, but to form you. Into a person of peace. Some sins and destructive habits, they get washed away at the moment of conversion, at the moment of you saying, Jesus, nothing in my hands, I bring simply to the cross. I cling. I bring no other argument. I bring no other plea, but that Jesus, you died and you die for me.

And we celebrate those stories and we’re so excited. I used to kill people, but now I love them. So we baptized. Yeah. But when we pray, don’t close your eyes. You know what I’m saying? Yeah. We get so excited. But, other sins, and we don’t talk about this enough, other sins require a long haul of long obedience in the same direction.

Experts call it explicit knowledge versus implicit knowledge. I’ll do this quickly. Explicit knowledge is knowing God loves you. I can quote that to you all day. John 3, 16, right? Many of us in this room can. So we know intellectually, yes, God loves me. But implicitly, implicit knowledge is like, but does he really love me?

Right? And your bones, like, you’re like, yeah, God loves me, but you still carry so much shame and remorse. And you think, yeah, but God would love me more if I did X, Y, and Z. So again, our aim for this practice is to lean into your implicit knowledge and by the grace of Jesus, change even what’s within and you can begin to truly believe with freedom.

I am loved. I am forgiven. And I believe it to the core of my being. And I know many of us are not there yet. Which is why as we close, I want to lean in to two key ideas on peacemaking that I think will help us go from explicit knowledge to implicit knowledge. Number one, we use mirrors, not microscopes.

Jesus says this in the Sermon on the Mount. What does he say? Take the log out of your eye, brother, before you take the speck out of your brothers. Right? Right? Meaning. For us to truly experience freedom. The genogram is helpful to see, you know, some of the sins, but don’t get a microscope and be looking at your parents and so angry and mad at them.

Instead, pick up the mirror and see, how are you the perpetrator of sin and wickedness and pain? And where can it stop with you? Hear me, in Christ, we believe you are clean, you’re pure, you’re forgiven, you’re righteous, you’re set free, you’re free. But you won’t experience, you won’t feel that freedom until you put down the microscope, put up the mirror.

And we believe the Word of God is the mirror, as it says in James chapter 1. But here’s another thing to encourage you. God uses moments and marathons. See, I believe forgiveness especially is a moment. And it’s also a marathon. I’ll keep this vague, but a few years ago, this is a big part of my story. I had a mentor, somebody I not only loved, but I admired.

Hurt me in a very deep way. It was hard for me. So hard. It was one of those where every morning it’s the first thing I thought of. And so I knew I was like, I need to be a gospel preacher. I need to be just a Christian. So I decided, God, I forgive him. I forgive him. That was my moment. God changed me in this moment, I forgive him.

And every day, I got bitter again. Every day I replayed that last conversation with him. What did I have to do? God, I forgive him. And it began because I kept saying, this is what kind of helped me in the beginning, God, I forgive him because they know not what they do. I think he had good intentions. He just was, he didn’t mean to hurt me, but he hurt me.

So I forgive him. Three, four months goes by. Literally, you guys, my wife, every day I had to bring it before God every year. We are again, bring it before God. And then my heart softened through the marathon of this forgiveness. And I began to go. Even if he meant harm, God, I forgive him. Even if he was like really selfish and he knew exactly what he was doing.

I forgive him, God. That became hard to do. This became difficult. And then a couple of years later, I, about a year later, excuse me, I woke up and it was the anniversary of when all this happened. And I went, Oh my gosh, I haven’t thought about that guy for two or three months. I’ve like actually forgiven him now.

I can pray for him. I love him. In fact, I want to go meet him. I want to go meet up with him, see how his life is doing. Notice, God uses the moment of forgiveness. That’s important. But we forget, brothers and sisters, the importance of the marathon. I had to forgive him every single day. And that explicit knowledge eventually became implicit within me.

This is the hope of the gospel. Forgiveness is an action well before it’s an affection. And so for this peacemaking in general, God’s work of transformation. Sometimes what God wants to do in your life is a moment to come in and set you free from all your chains, but also believe he created us in community and became, we’re supposed to be students of his word.

And some of us have some things that for some reason, by his grace and his wisdom, he wants you to work this out over the course of a marathon. And slowly but surely you will see his love for you, but also. Solely, but surely you’re to become more like him. What a gift. So I’d love for us to end in reflecting, giving time for the Holy Spirit, because me and pastor Caleb, as we’ve been praying through peacemaking, we know there’s a lot of baggage here and we don’t want it to be just as like, Hey, we want to learn how to fake the peace so that we can just act like we’re good with people.

We want to actually become people who love everybody we see. And so let us just now just take in a deep breath. And breathe out. Center your hearts on God. And I want us to reflect with three questions. Here’s the first. Lord, when I put down my microscope and pick up my mirror, what do you want me to see?

Some of you will feel resistance and distress and you’re scared to say it out loud. The Lord already knows. Just say it to him. Secondly, what are you looking to heal, Lord, in a moment? Some of you, God wants to release you today. So ask him, Lord, what are you looking to heal in this moment?

In the name of Jesus, receive that healing. And

the last question, Lord, what are you looking to heal over a marathon?