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Relational Simplicity

James 3:1-6; Ephesians 4:17-32 CSB | Trey VanCamp | August 20, 2023

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OVERVIEW

When most of us think of simplicity, we think of digital minimalism, materialism, and wealth. But few of us would consider the practice of simplicity as something that involves our speech and relationships. And yet, when we examine how often we use sarcasm, exaggeration, and flattery to manipulate people and get what we want, we might be surprised to see that our speech is not simple or wholesome by default.

Jesus himself says that our speech is an automatic result of what’s already in our hearts, and the apostle James warns us that our speech has the ability to stain our whole bodies. Left to our own, we can find ourselves trying to manipulate others, gain status and approval, or win arguments.

To fight against these impulses we practice simplicity of speech; we speak honor in place of flattery and contempt, secrecy in place of gossip and exaggeration, and silence in the place of rage and manipulation.

NOTES

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TRANSCRIPT

  Open your Bibles to James chapter 3, everybody.

James chapter three, uh, as you dive into that, it’s been so fun to really look at this form by simplicity practice. And we realize that, you know, it’s not exactly like the most, the best branding for somebody like, Hey, I’m thinking about church. Oh, we’re doing form by simplicity. Come on down. Uh, but we really think it’s so crucial, so key in us becoming disciples of Jesus.

So if we were to repackage this series in a way that would maybe attract more of the disinterested, it’d probably be labeled. The Christian survival guide to the election year of 2024. Anybody just so excited for this next, don’t raise your hand, then we know, like, okay, you’re the crazy one. But anyways, no, you know, it’s, it’s just a lot of fun, you know, and I’m still recovering from four years ago.

And here we are again, things are starting to crank up. And so if we were to package the sermon series that way, it would still totally work. So step one and how to survive is to remove digital distractions. Right? Marketers and politicians are literally paying millions of dollars on ads and commercials to play to your fears, to play to your desires.

And they pour millions into it because it’s effective. They have data to show that it works. Right? And so step one, if you want to survive the political season, do what we learned week one in the simplicity practice, really consider cutting the cord, right? Not being in the digital world as often. Because here’s the thing, as much as you and I think we can resist propaganda, I was reading a book this, uh, couple weeks ago about the more of less.

He says, The people who claim propaganda doesn’t get me are the people who get propaganda the most. Right? Like it’s just a thing. So step two in surviving election year was what we talked about last week. Limit your possessions. Politicians and marketers alike, they love to make promises that play to our desires of oh no, if this person gets elected, we’re losing everything.

But if this person gets elected, you’ll get that next car, right? Everything is about, oh, are you going to have security? How’s the stock market going to go? And the reality is there’s a way we can live our lives where we’re not based on the uncertainty of wealth as we just prayed and as we saw in 1 Timothy 6, right?

So we’re limiting what we own. I was thinking about it as I was kind of processing the message last week, you know, sometimes when we think about simplicity in possessions, we think like it’s a call to be poor. And I love it. Dallas Willard has this line where he says, you know what I have found being poor is the poorest way to help the poor.

Think about that, right? So this isn’t a call to be an absolute poverty, although I think some of us may be called to that, but it is a call to have some room. It’s where we can bless somebody else if we need to, but too often all of our stuff is tied up in things. That’s why Richard Foster said, Greed has a way of cutting off the cord of compassion.

So step one, remove digital distractions. That’s how you survive this next year. Step two, limit your possessions. Then people won’t have a hold on you. And step three, resist the need to win every argument. It’s going to be fun, won’t it be? I’m just thrilled. I can’t wait for this. Now this is what we’re going to be talking about today.

The power of words, the power of conversation, simplifying our speech. Now if I package the series this way, you could possibly argue I’m covering the topic too soon. Right? Election year is 2024. It hasn’t fully ramped up yet. And so you would say, this is a great series. You should have done it like summer of 2024.

Why are you doing this so soon? And that gets to the heart of the issue for a lot of us as we train to be disciples of Jesus. Too often we entertain the things, the practices we need most way too late in the process. We, we get stressed out and then once the stress comes, then we try to employ a practice to help us when really we should have been implementing it a year prior and then we’re able to meet the moment.

Dallas Willard, it’s, it’s a Trey Van Camp sermon, you’re going to keep hearing his name. He argues we train, we need to train much, much earlier than we think. It’ll be on the screen, here’s the quote. He says, it is a part of the misguided and whimsical condition of humankind. That we so devoutly believe in the power of effort at the moment of action alone to accomplish what we want and completely ignore the need for character change in our lives as a whole.

We cannot behave on the spot as he did and taught, being Jesus, if in the rest of our time we live as everybody else does. You see that? That’s just why we’re doing the practices. That’s why we’re doing it a year in advance. Something like Simplicity will be so helpful for us in 2024. Because if you’re not training, if you’re not training your heart and mind to simplify your life, to not be, you know, tied into these things, when the moment comes, you and I won’t have the strength to persevere.

We won’t have the wisdom to not talk. Right? We will fail. It’s as if, and I feel like this is the worst illustration, but I couldn’t think of anything else. It’s as if you, men, we do this, right? We just expect we’re, like, strong, even though, like, we’re not, right? So we think, like, yeah, I don’t need to lift, but if, but if a 300 pound fence falls on somebody, I got it, right?

Now, meanwhile, we’ve never deadlifted 200 pounds in our life, but for some reason, right? Men, we’re like, we got that, that’s easy, right? 500 pounds, do whatever, crank it up. If that’s somebody I care about, I’m gonna grab that fence, pull it up, and they’re gonna run out. The reality is, you can want to do that all your life.

And the way we disciple is like, Hey, deadlift five minutes before, and then when it happens, you’ll all of a sudden have the strength to lift up 300 pounds. The reality is, it’s not true. Right? So we come in these moments in life, in the spiritual life, in the Christian life, we think, Man, I only need to train for it right before it happens.

And the case is, no, we need to be training, putting in these practices, even when it feels like we don’t need it yet. And that’s what this series is doing. We’re training our hearts, our minds, our bodies to live like Jesus lived. Even in moments we feel like we won’t use it right away, but it prepares us, it creates our destiny, it creates opportunities in the future, and especially in the topic we have today.

Let’s pray. Father God, I just ask you that you would give us wisdom this morning. God, thank you for your word in James 4. I just pray that that would speak the loudest today. God, that we can listen to your word, that we can cling to it. God, may we not just be hearers of the word, deceiving ourselves, but doers.

God, have your way among us today. In Jesus name I pray, everybody says. Amen. If you’re not there already, go to James chapter three, we’re going to be looking at the first six verses in your group. You’re actually going to continue all the way to verse 12 this week on the group guide. And so let’s look at verse one together.

Not many should become teachers, my brothers, because you know that we will receive a stricter judgment. My favorite verse in the Bible, right? You know, I’m gonna be judged for everything I am doing right now. Praise the Lord. Verse 2, For we all stumble in many ways. I like that a lot more. I like that verse.

That’s true. We all mess up. Let’s cling to that one. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is mature. Able also to control the whole body. He’s saying the apex of maturity is knowing when to speak and when not to speak, knowing what to say and what not to say. He is claiming here, you have reached like almost Christian perfection when you figure out what to do with your mouth.

Now we give some illustrations on what that means. Verse three. Now, if we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we direct their whole bodies. This totally makes sense in Queen Creek. I don’t need to transliterate that, right? Oh, got it! Horses! I’m in! Verse 4, And consider ships, though very large and driven by fierce winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.

So too, though the tongue is a small part of the body, it boasts great things. Consider how a small fire sets ablaze a large forest. He’s being a wonderful teacher here. He’s saying the tongue is like a bit in the horse’s mouth. It’s like, um, a rudder on a ship. Or it’s like a small spark that sets off a forest fire.

Verse 6 is troubling though. He says, And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among our members. It stains the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. Literally, our words can be animated by the fire of hell. Notice the intensity of James language here.

This is the half brother of Jesus. This isn’t, Hey, try to be nicer with your words. Awesome. Have a great week. The saying without restraint, if we’re not exercising wisdom, simplifying our speech, your words can literally unleash hell on earth. Welcome everybody to Passion Creek Church, right? This is what we’re looking at today.

Now I know there’s an argument to be made. Most of us are too sensitive with words, right? So last week I’ve been posting a little one minute stories on my Instagram and YouTube, and one of them… Was our story about how we took, this is practicing simplicity. We took like half of our kids toys and just donated them without them knowing.

Like they were at school, like the first day of school. We’re like, let’s do this. So we just spent our whole time throwing stuff away, right? And so it’s a great story, whatever, yada yada. They still don’t know. And literally they thanked us for cleaning the room. That’s what they thought we did. We’re like, you don’t even know right now.

These are toys. They don’t use anymore. They’ve outgrown. They’ve outused whatever right and so I posted that story and literally the comment was like this is so traumatic like you’re such a bad parent for doing this to your child. They’re going to be their trauma now and it’s like, come on, like a little too sensitive, right?

These are toys. It doesn’t matter. They have too many toys and in the video they had a lot of toys already. So let’s let’s slow down. Um, With the trauma word, right? So there is a sense where you and I, like, we’re in a culture where words are kind of used a little bit too much. Like, we’re a little too sensitive.

I, Carl Truman, he wrote this great book. Too big to read, but it’s called Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self. And he argues that words today hold greater weight than ever before. Because it’s where we base our entire identity now. So he says like for, for him, Carl Truman, so I think he’s like in his fifties, he said his grandpa, like if somebody spoke ill of him, it didn’t really ruin his day.

I love it. My, my grandpa, he told me one day, he’s like, I don’t know why you get so like ruffled up by people saying your sermon was bad or they don’t like you, yada, yada. He’s like, I just tell people, if you don’t like my gate, don’t swing on it. Oh, it’s that simple, huh? He’s like, if you don’t like the gate, swing on somebody else’s right.

But back then, the older generation. How would they define their identity? Do I have a good job that pays the bills? And do I have a family? Right? Do I have people, a community I’m proud of? And so, that generation would say, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. We don’t say that anymore!

Right. Some of us, we’d rather take the sticks and stones, bring it. Just don’t speak ill to me, why is that? We are in a cultural moment, I believe, where we literally define, create our realities, our identities, out of thin air. And so it’s so fragile. ’cause it’s not based on anything. It’s just an idea of who we think we are.

The moment somebody speaks ill against it or doesn’t fully love it, your entire world unravels. Cue the need for a Christian identity, right? You can say whatever, but at the end of the day, the tomb is empty. Christ loves me. My firm foundation. Lexi, you knew, wherever you are, right? This is what we just sang about, right?

That is my foundation. But, all that to say, words do matter. They carry enormous weight. You see it all throughout the scriptures. They are powerful. They are weapons used for good. Or for evil look with me at Proverbs 18 20. It should be on the screen. It says wise words Satisfied like a good meal the right words bring Satisfaction the tongue can bring death or life Those who love to talk will reap the consequences I imagine you’ve heard of that study before.

They looked at an environment of hospitals and they noticed the hospital rooms where they were encouraging brighter colors, motivational posters, the nurse would like, half, uh, the cup was always half full. Those patients had a much higher rate of success than the dingy hospital with the dark rooms and the really negative doctors.

Like, there is a correlation between our words, literally like bringing health to the body. They even did that study, have you heard about that, where they did it with plants, which is so weird to me. Like, who thought of that idea? Let’s put some plants together and yell at them for 30 days and see what happens.

But that’s what they did, and so they would speak softly and tenderly and nice words to one plant, and then in another plant they would speak, like, mean words, and their tone was negative, and like, literally, the plant at the end of the 30 days, the one that received bad words was dead, and the one who received encouragement was, like, fully alive.

I don’t know what that means, but there’s something there, right? Power of life and death are in the tongue. And so, is our tongue bringing death or life? And I would argue, as a society, it’s unleashing hell on earth. To pick up what we said last week, we are deceased from being double minded, double mastered, and now we’re going to include double tongued.

We are, some of us literally diseased, but all of us are at a dis ease. We’re not really at home, we’re not at peace, and it’s because of a double mind, which we talked about week one, a double master we talked about last week, and today, a double tongue. Now double tongue is this biblical idea of using words to your advantage.

Even when you don’t truly mean it. And so somebody who’s double tongued gets himself the truth he spoke to certain people, right? It’s just kind of all over the place. Let me give you a few examples. Double tongue is like the use of flattery to take advantage of somebody in a higher position. Right? So it’s not really a culture of honor if the only people that get spoken highly of are those really high up on the ladder.

It just means they’re using flattery to say, okay, I’m going to scratch your back so that you can give me that promotion. You can give me that raise. That happens a lot. Sadly, even in the church world, it’s also the use of contempt, which contempt is this idea where you speak to somebody because you believe you’re higher than them.

They’re in a lower position. And so you speak down on them to make sure that they know I’m better than you. This is why we use a lot of things like scandals. Some people love scandals a ton, right? Like it’s all over the internet. Jonathan Haidt, he argues why we love scandals so much. He says, quote, Scandal is great entertainment because it allows people to feel contempt, a moral emotion that gives us feeling of superiority while asking nothing in return.

Right? We just think, oh man, that person’s terrible. I’m better than them. Ah, I feel a little bit better today. Let’s keep moving forward. Right? Also, with our words, we use things like tribalism, which we’re going to see a lot in the political season, right? We are totally going to say, okay, that side is bad.

Let’s label their ideology so we believe it’s wrong and we won’t even hear any of their arguments. This thing like complisults, the Christians, we’re the worst at complisults. Anybody know complisults? All right. Like, Hey, Hey, Sometimes I get this complacent, complacent, I can’t even say the word anymore.

You’re gonna assault me for that next, you know, insult me after, but it’s this whole idea like, Hey! Like, my favorite one. People after church. And this is you, that’s fine. It came from a good place, I hope. But they always tell, always, sometimes tell me, You like how much I’m like, I’m, you know, life or death here.

Now, they say, Trey, that sermon was great, way better than last week. Now, I don’t think about the great, I think about what was wrong with last week, you know what I’m saying? Way better than last week, right? That is a complisult, okay? What it does, it’s like, hey, I want to give you a compliment, but I’m fearful you’re going to get a big head, so instead of allowing God to humble you, I’m going to humble you right away.

And I’m like, yo, I already got a big head, right? Size eight, y’all, it’s bad. My mom says it’s because I’m smart, but whatever. Okay, also, we use the tongue to manipulate. Right? Some marriages go this way to control the people you’re around or control people who follow you. Jan Johnson, we actually have it in our church merch box this week.

We’d love for you guys to grab a copy. You can pay with Apple Pay, your card. It’s really cool what we have set up back there. But she has this book called Abundant Simplicity. I think the number one recommended read if you’re interested in this topic. But she says the following about like our temptation to manipulate people.

She says, we may not pressure someone at the point of a gun, but we do it with the point of our words. Because words, think of talk radio, websites, TV advertisements, campaign speeches, are what persuade people. We often push with our words because we think we’re right, but people can’t hear our point when our voice is drained of love.

It’s also things like exaggeration. Trying to impress somebody you admire. I’m the worst at this. I’ve, Jordan, like sometimes when I share illustrations, even up here, I look down at her. It’s like she’s approving my math of like the situation. There’s a billion people there. I look down at her. She’s like, Oh, there was not a billion people, you know?

So like, I’m working on this, but exaggerates like, why am I exaggerating? Like, I just want you to love me or something. Like there’s something. There’s a problem underneath, right? All that to say, is there a practice from a way of Jesus that could set us free from this hellfire? Right? Is there a way? Is it possible for our words to speak life and not death, to build and not destroy, to honor and not dishonor?

And we believe wholeheartedly, yes, and it’s found in the practice of relational simplicity. Okay? We’ve been talking a lot about this, about different simplicities. Today is the practice of relational simplicity. When I studied how the church used simplicity, or if you remember the phrase frugality over the centuries, I was really surprised speech was included.

Like, why is, why is our words, why does that include in simplicity? Because it makes a lot of sense. Simplify your distractions, get away from the digital world, totally on board, right? Possessions, like it cuts the cord of compassion, so we need to simplify what we own. Totally makes sense. But then you say, okay, simplify your words?

Because your words, in a sense, creates your world. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about manifesting and some of this prosperity gospel stuff, but there is something about our words. And the reality is, the heart of simplicity, this practice, is, if you remember week one in, in, in Book of Mark, it’s these, we are these seeds that if we aren’t careful, if we don’t simplify our life, these things will choke us out from living a fulfilled and fruitful life.

And our words are one of the supreme ways You and I choke out a fruitful life that could be used for the kingdom. Again, our working definition for simplicity is on the screen. The practice of simplicity is removing the number of digital distractions, material desires, and now today, relational dishonesties that keep us from living a joyful life in the kingdom.

With Jesus and that’s what we’re looking for a joyful life in the kingdom with Jesus and we can go such a long way I love your stories about you know Removing digital distractions and I’ve been hearing people selling some things getting rid of something. That’s awesome There’s a whole new level of joy when we remove the way that we lie and exaggerate and manipulate Others cue Richard Foster’s line.

I think it’s so good. Listen to this. He says, do you know? The wonderful new freedom simplicity brings. No longer is there the stifling preoccupation with ourselves. Now there are new liberating graces to care deeply for the needs of others. And most wonderful of all, we can lay down the crushing burden of the opinions of others.

We do not have to be liked. We do not have to succeed. We can enjoy obscurity as easily as fame. Is that true for you? I don’t know if it’s always true for me, but this practice of simplicity can train us to begin to live this way. And we see Jesus exhibits this freedom of speech in the Gospels everywhere.

He didn’t have to answer every question. He usually answered a question with the question. He didn’t have to be liked. He spoke the truth. Right? He stood up for the least of these when other people were fearful of their reputation being lost. He spoke when it had been more convenient to not speak. And he was silent when it had been more advantageous for him to speak.

And so we want to look at the way of Jesus, but specifically in James 3 and now in Ephesians chapter 4. So if you have your Bible still, open to Ephesians chapter 4. This is like the crucial text on how to use our words. And I just want us to go through it line by line. In the book of Ephesians, Paul’s been building up this case.

We’re saved by faith through grace alone, right? It’s not by our works. And as a result, his grace unifies us not only with God, but then it also unifies us with each other. And then he gets really practical in chapter four. How do we stay unified with each other? It’s by how we use our words. Verse 17, Ephesians 4 says, Therefore I say this in testifying the Lord, you should no longer walk as the Gentiles do in the futility of their thoughts.

A couple of things. Gentiles just means non believers in this context. No longer walk. Walk literally has this idea. Praise God for those who can. And I have some friends who literally can’t. So please know I understand the situation here. But typically when you think of walking, it’s usually what most of us have the grace of not having to think about.

Right? And when I’m walking, I’m not thinking about walking. I’m thinking about wherever I’m going to. So this idea, some people call it plausibility structures, where it’s like, it’s just things that we assume and, and eat and breathe. And so when we walk, we’re not thinking about walking. We just do it. He says, don’t think like the Gentiles do.

It’s really natural to assume all the things they assume. Don’t do that. Be very intentional about your steps. Verse 18. They are darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them. And because of the hardness of their hearts, they became callous. And gave themselves over to promiscuity for the practice of every kind of impurity, underline this, with a desire for more and more.

This is the whole idea here, right? More and more, to you and me, sounds amazing. The whole idea of simplicity is, it’s not. You don’t need more and more, in fact, usually the answer is less and less. But that is not how you came to know Christ. Assuming you heard about him and were taught by him as the truth is in Jesus to take off your former way of life, the old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires.

Literally this take off is like a metaphor of clothes. He wants you to think of taking off a shirt in order to put on something new. Verse 23, to be renewed in the spirit of your minds and to put on the new self. The one created according to God’s likeness and righteousness and purity of the truth. It’s not about doing more or getting more.

It’s actually about less. That’s what I love about the practice of simplicity. Write this down. Simplicity is not about doing more, but doing less. Put off the more, more, more. And put on the simplicity of Christ. I read an article this week that talked about a lot of people, I mean, it’s, it’s kind of, it’s nationwide.

Church attendance is lower and lower, especially as the younger, younger generations. Um, and so they said, though, a lot of people, it’s actually not because they hate the church. They’re just too busy, right? They just do more, more, more sports, this, that, the other. And so it’s not like they wake up in the morning and think, I don’t want to go.

They wake up in the morning, I’m overwhelmed. I still have to do X, Y, Z before the work week. Right? And so it’s a lot of this, this freedom is found in less. That’s why me and Caleb have been talking about discipleship really starts with decluttering, right? Kind of getting rid of some things where actually these, these practices sound overwhelming, but really it’s about doing less and not doing more.

But verse 25 is such a helpful line here. He says, therefore, putting away lying, speak the truth. Each one to his neighbor because we are members of one another. Just speak the truth. Jesus says this in Matthew 5 37. Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. Don’t add to it. Don’t exaggerate. And then he says anything more than this is from the evil one.

You know how hard it is to lie? We were in Mexico, right? For that, um, that timeshare thing. And I just decided to come up with this whole new persona. I didn’t do an accent. I wish I did, right? But everything else was this fake story. My sister has ten Siblings and or 10 siblings. That would mean 10 daughters and sons and all this stuff and it got really hard to remember the lie I told him before right just I know this is shame bring it my way.

I was lying I know but they were evil right so I was like trying to get out of things They’re like do you ever travel never have in my life this first time you guys all know that’s not true, right? I was trying to do the thing lying is hard. I was like where am I? I don’t know which part of the lie. I’m in anymore.

This is exhausting right just speak the truth. He says verse 26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. I know a lot of people take this and so with your spouse you just fight all night and you’ll never sleep because you got to get it done. This is just saying like deal with things.

But look, sometimes dealing with things means you get a good night’s sleep and then come back to it and talk, right? So some people take this too literally, I think. And don’t give the devil an opportunity. Verse 28, let the thief no longer steal, instead he is to do honest work with his own hands so that he has something to share with anyone in need.

And verse 29, no foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need so that it gives grace to those who hear. And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit, you are sealed by him for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, anger, and wrath, shouting, and slander be removed from you.

Along with all malice, and be kind, compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you. He’s saying the motivation is here. We have the power to do this because we are made secure in Christ. He has forgiven us. We can do that for others as well. So you see here, this is the practice.

Bitterness, anger, resentment. These words build up, don’t tear down. And in case this wasn’t clear already, this whole practice has been like, I think, the hardest for me. We started with Sabbath in February. It’s kind of hard, but I’ve been doing it for a few years, and I find a lot of joy from it. So, scripture, I’ve done it my whole life, right?

Reading scripture, I enjoy, but simplicity is difficult, right? Removing the digital world is hard. Getting rid of possessions. You think you need, but you don’t is hard. What’s really hard for me is like, not talking a lot. Right. Quit using your words to control people. But what’s helpful for me though, is the cost of nons simplicity is much worse.

Tearing people down, allowing bitterness to have its way, anger, wrath, malice, backbiting, that’s a life not worth living. And so it, it’s helpful to like, let’s start putting in practices to make sure we’re using our words to bring life and our death. So I was on the phone with my cousin this week and he talked about how.

There was a time where he went five days without speaking and he didn’t realize it. I go five minutes without speaking and go, what’s wrong with me? Right? Like totally don’t relate to my cousin. And he was like, yeah, it’s really helpful just to kind of go away. Literally not say a word, like almost forget what your voice sounds like.

Just get away. And so I thought this was crazy. And so as I’m preaching simplicity this week, I was like, okay, I’ll do it. So on Thursday I went up to the cabin, my father’s cabin, and I just was like, okay, I’m not going to talk to anybody. Literally. I told my wife like, is it okay? I don’t say goodnight to the kids on FaceTime.

I’m just trying not to talk. She’s like, yeah, this is good for you. Yeah. Don’t say goodnight. You know, this is. No, that’s not what she said. See me exaggerating? Pray for me, you know? Not even looking at the front row right now, okay? Okay, oh yeah, she’s smiling still. So Jan Johnson in her book says, okay, for 24 hours, don’t talk and see what comes up.

So I did it for 24 hours, timed it and everything. And it was weird how hard it was, like thoughts come in your mind and I realized how much I just try to like talk to get away from all the stuff. And you just allow this silence to come in and my main question while I was being silent for 24 hours is why do I feel a need to talk so much?

So in my journal, some of the things I put is I want to keep my friendships. So I have this lie in my head that if I don’t keep up with people and talk to them, they’re going to leave me. Right? I want to impress people. So like, man, if I, I’m not like just impressive. So I need to prove to you that I’m impressive.

So I better keep talking until, you know, this. Or I want to put off my wounds. The easiest way to not think about your pain and your past is just to keep talking and creating new futures. So when you like stop talking, you’re like, oh no, like it just is a flood. That comes and you’re awakened to how much pain you have and you just want to put it off.

At the end of the day, I, I know for me, I talk a lot because I don’t trust God. Like that’s the main source. I was reading on Henry Nowen, he was writing to pastors. He said the following. He says. Sometimes it seems that our many words are more an expression of our doubt than of our faith. It is as if we are not sure that God’s spirit can touch the hearts of people, so we have to help him out with many words and convince others of his power.

As ministers, our greatest temptation is towards too many words. They weaken our faith and make us lukewarm. Silence is a sacred discipline, a guard of the Holy Spirit. So you can, like, minimize your digital intake and get rid of some of your possessions, but if you don’t focus on the rudder, the spark that can start a forest fire, there can still be a lot of destruction in your life.

So up at formedbyjesus. com slash simplicity, we’re trying to give you guys some practices this week. How can we use our words to speak life and not death? How can we simplify our speech for the kingdom of God? And so we’re going to give you three practices and then I’m done. Sound good? I see what you did there.

You’re silent. It was a simplicity thing. That’s what I’m going to tell myself, okay? Number one, use secrecy in the place of gossip and exaggeration. Right? If you struggle with gossip, you struggle with exaggeration, just be secretive. What do I mean by that? Secrecy, actually in Proverbs 11, it says that gossip goes around revealing a secret, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.

Sometimes there are things you need to keep secret. Pain that people are going through. Right? That, hey, you know what? It’s best for them to, they trusted you with it to go on spreading what’s going on in their life. So, use secrecy. But the other side of it is sometimes when you do something so impressive, you want to tell the world about it.

And in that moment, tell no one. Jesus says, go pray in your closet, give, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Try this out where you do something so incredible for somebody and they don’t even know you did it and you don’t, your spouse doesn’t even know you just did something in secret.

Now it’s not secret sin, hear me out, but a secret good and not making a big deal. And the question you have to ask yourself, why can’t I keep a secret? Why do I look to gossip or exaggerate all the time? What does it say about me? And what does it say about my misunderstanding of God’s love and, and, and how much I can trust him?

The second thing to try this week is to embrace silence, embrace silence in the place of rage and manipulation. If you’re somebody who has angry outbursts or you manipulate every situation you’re in, just don’t talk right in the place of rage. Just go on a walk. Talk to God about what’s going on and what’s frustrating you rather than using the situation and harming the people around you and then play some manipulation like when things aren’t going your way.

Don’t fight to have the last word, right? That might be in a way to say that practice the art of not having the last word this week. Allow somebody else to feel like they’ve won the argument and just move, move on. These are hard. And the question we have to ask ourselves, how come I can’t keep silent, right?

Why am I looking? Why do I run to rage? Why do I try to manipulate? And it’s something you’re missing out from a gift of what the gospel can give you. And the last one is speak honor in the place of flattery and contempt. Again, flattery is a compliment not based in reality. You don’t mean it. It’s not true.

But you’re trying to get this person to give you something in return. Again, like we are, uh, one of the big cultures here at our church is we are honor based, like every, we always want to be honor, honorable. And so what that means is sure, you should honor me as a pastor, but you should also honor the third grade kid in, in here.

You should honor, you know, I don’t want to mention a position and then it sounds like it’s lower. It’s not like we’re all essential. So we should have like, Oh my gosh, Becky’s here today. She’s a, she’s a mom. Isn’t that so cool? Everybody loves Becky. Hey, Becky, right? Or whatever, right? We should be honoring, just speaking life to people, right?

Showing how much you love and care for them. Contempt is when you use your words to bring somebody down. Often, this is my favorite form of humor, and I gotta get over it, I guess, but sarcasm, right? Like, usually, uh, what’s that line? Sarcasm is usually the only time people tell the truth, right? So instead of sarcasm, contempt…

Flattery, what if we spoke life? What if we spoke honor? My favorite things that we do in our church is at 915 for prayer, before we pray, we pick one person, we go around in a circle and we honor that person, speak life into that person. Here’s the thing that I’ve seen you do in secret. Here’s the things that you, this is what people love about you.

This is what I’m so grateful for. Speaking honor. And the question we have to ask ourselves, how come I can’t honor someone? Why do I keep looking for flattery or contempt? And the biggest thing is I used to think these things happen on accident, right? Like I thought, man, honor, I’ll honor somebody when I think of it, but you usually don’t ever think of it.

When I went to walk church in Las Vegas, I remember the culture there. This was a little bit while ago now, but everybody was honoring each other. And I was like, dude, how did you get this going? Like how does everybody on it? This is crazy. And he said, trade. We made them do it. You know, like, what are you talking about?

He’s like, no, we, we just started honoring everybody. We kept celebrating how we honored everybody and everybody started honoring everybody, right? It doesn’t, you don’t stumble into honor, you step into it consciously. And that’s the biggest lie we believe with our mouth. We think, oh, just the, the mouth says what it says.

The reality is, is no, we can be cautious. We can be mindful. We can say, okay, I’m not going to speak this, I’m going to speak that. And it’s still being authentic to yourself. You can say no and restrain your words for the sake of the kingdom and living a joyful life. So can you imagine the joy we can have and the witness we can become if we become a people who minimize the digital distractions, minimize what we own, but even more so, we’re very careful about what we say, we speak life and not death, we speak words, we, we, we call people into their destiny with our words.

This is the power we have. What if you and I, we began to intentionally speak life? What would that look like at Passion Creek? Let’s pray.

Group Guide

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Meal & Conversation

Open the night with a quick prayer over your time together. As your Group shares a meal, use one or both of these questions to check in with everyone:

 

  1. What’s one thing you’re looking forward to the most this week?
  2. What’s one thing you’re least looking forward to this week?

 

Overview of Teaching

When most of us think of simplicity, we think of digital minimalism, materialism, and wealth. But few of us would consider the practice of simplicity as something that involves our speech and relationships. And yet, when we examine how often we use sarcasm, exaggeration, and flattery to manipulate people and get what we want, we might be surprised to see that our speech is not simple or wholesome by default. Jesus himself says that our speech is an automatic result of what’s already in our hearts, and the apostle James warns us that our speech has the ability to stain our whole bodies. Left to our own, we can find ourselves trying to manipulate others, gain status and approval, or win arguments. To fight against these impulses we practice simplicity of speech; we speak honor in place of flattery and contempt, secrecy in place of gossip and exaggeration, and silence in the place of rage and manipulation.

  

Discussion

Have someone read James 3:1-12. Then discuss the following questions:

 

  1. What stands out to you from this passage?
  2. What truth about the relationship between our speech and our lives does James highlight by using the illustration of horses and ships in verses 3-4?
  3. What does James mean when he says “the tongue…is itself set on fire by hell” in verse 6?
  4. In what ways can our speech “stain our whole bodies?”
  5. What does blessing people look like for you? What does cursing people look like for you?
  6. When was the last time you regretted something you said or didn’t say?
  7. How did your practice of Material Simplicity from last week go?

 

 

Practice

This week we’re going to practice relational simplicity. Take a look at the following practices:

  • Use secrecy in the place of gossip and exaggeration.
  • Embrace silence in the place of rage and manipulation.
  • Speak honor in the place of flattery and contempt.

 

To decide which practice to try this week, discuss the following questions as a Group:

  1. How often do you say something you don’t mean?
  2. Which of the following speech habits do you struggle with the most: Flattery, contempt, gossip, exaggeration, rage, manipulation?
  3. What will be more difficult for you: Speaking less, or using your words for good (truth, clearly stating what you want, building people up, blessing)?
  4. Which of the practices above do you plan to try out this week?

 

Pray

As you end your night, spend some time praying for and encouraging one another.

Formed by Jesus Podcast